Day 12 – Ephesians 6:4

⁴ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. ^[1]

This is a special and particular word for fathers. When Paul speaks of fathers, in most places it would be appropriate to include mothers, but not here. If Paul had wanted to say parents he would have done so just as he did in the first verse. So his usage here is intentional. Fathers are instructed to do nothing to exasperate their children. To exasperate means to: embitter or stir up, or as in some translations, “do not provoke your children to anger.” Why does Paul address these seemingly harsh words to fathers? Perhaps he wants to emphasize the role fathers have in instructing their children and they, like many fathers today, may have acquiesced that role to mothers. More probable, however, is the fact that like his admonition to husbands to love their wives in the previous chapter, Paul understands fathers need this instruction more than mothers.

One writer had suggested that fathers provoke children to anger by the over-protection, or by showing favoritism, or by discouragement. They may exasperate them by failing to recognize the growth in their children and their right to their own ideas, rather than being a carbon copy of their fathers. Maybe by neglect, bitter words and outright physical cruelty they are seen exasperating their children? Paul sees such activity as a negative in the lives of men’s children but then inserts a positive. Instead of exasperating their children fathers are to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Another translation expresses it this way: “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord;” meaning, fathers are to train and discipline their children. However, the instruction and especially the discipline must not be harsh. It must be more than “do what I say because I say so.” It must be tender taking into account their emotional and spiritual needs as well.

This is a tough word for fathers who tend to be content to lay such parental instruction on the mother, grandparents, schools or the church. Paul, in his day, speaks a word fathers in this generation need to hear, “stand up and take proactive care of your children.” Paul is not here to say it, so I’ll say it for him: Fathers, step up to the plate and reclaim your God given responsibility to raise your children. Don’t leave it to others to teach them what they need to know. Don’t withhold your affection so that they grow up not knowing they are loved or how to love others. Your children need you. Our society needs you. Get off the bench and get in or get back in the game before it is too late!

Dear heavenly Father, You are our greatest example of what it means to be a father. You showed us what unselfish love looks like when You gave Your only Son as a ransom for our sin. Help us today to redeem broken relationships with our children and reclaim our lost position as the priest and leader in our homes. Intervene now, so we can break the cycle of neglect that characterizes so much of our generation and bring You glory. Amen.